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You taught me everything that I needed to know
about making out with Natalie Portman and showed
how one should conduct oneself in a hospital full of clowns.
And I'd waste days watching marathons of Scrubs if I could just afford to lay around.
Your sense of humor and mannerisms are regarded as unique.
Teenage and twenty something girls hang on every word you speak or tweet.

You're a redditor, but you don't spam or annoy
Like Woody Harrelson's ask me anything that the community destroyed.
You contribute content in the most unusual of forms
Not spacedicks, or politics, but r/geriatricporn.

And it's not as weird as you'd think.
Old people are really cute sometimes!
Wearing their sweaters not worrying
Just enjoying whatever is left of their lives.

But back to the topic at hand, (I go off on tangents sometimes.)
Zach, you are a wonderful man, and your smile always shines

like the sunlight on camera
because you work hard to make people laugh.
And I'd imagine that we'd be good friends,
so this is an ode you to, Zach Braff.

And all your prestigious achievements,
and the entertainment you generate,
and when I turn on the TV and see you,
I can feel my heart start to palpitate.


from Songs for Reddit Volume II: The Internet is Near to the Brokenhearted and Saves the Crushed in Spirit, released December 18, 2012
Guitar, Bass, and Vocals by Thomas Hallett
Drums by Michael Hallett
Mixed and Mastered by Jonathan Knobel



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