Songs for Reddit

by Songs for Reddit

supported by
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      $5 USD  or more




This album was inspired by Reddit users. I love writing music for others and since Reddit has been an incredible source of entertainment, information and genuine inspiration; as both an artist and a person, I felt obliged to give something back.

Want a song about something silly, heartfelt or otherwise of your very own? Check out:


released March 26, 2012

Written, Recorded, Mixed and Mastered by Thomas Hallett
Additional Mixing by Jason Clancy
Additional instrumentation by Jason Clancy
Cover photo by Michelle Shoemaker



all rights reserved


songsforreddit Baltimore, Maryland

contact / help

Contact songsforreddit

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Haters Gonna Hate
So you tell me
that there's no spark and I plead
"I can change my ways for you
if that's what you want me to do."

I'll be a ghost for you.
Skin paler than white you can see through
and when we kiss my lips will be cold,
but you can't feel it anyway.

And my friends
were glad to see this bitter end.
Oh so fickle, so they'd pretend
to feel anything at all.

But that's not me.
I've got a heart and it bleeds.
I think being numb is pretty fucking dumb.
Wouldn't you agree?

Because I want to believe that life could be less profane.
I don't think it's naive to think we could all transcend.
Life could be beautiful if we could all just relate.
but until then, I guess haters gonna hate.

In the mirror in the bathroom,
I slowly watch myself bloom
over the years
and it becomes clear to me who I wanna be.

And if I've learned anything
it's that people can be fleeting.
Take them as they come,
still love them when they go,
that's all we can do.
Track Name: r/spacedicks
It's the butthole of the internet.
Difficult for some to stomach it,
but I've braved cyberspace before.

On the front page there's atrocities.
So I bookmarked myself some eye bleach:
Tits, puppies and visions of world peace

To help me through the jpegs and gifs
or seeing a dick in a space suit.
Because if Reddit is the garden of Eden,
r/spacedicks is our forbidden fruit

Now I know that reference was biblical
and r/atheism is calling me a fool
for such a played out metaphor.

But I believe in the connectedness of all living things
something that science and evolution bring
so please put down your pitchforks!

So back to the topic at hand:
I think r/spacedicks might have 4chan
topped though I dare not say.

Because they'll hunt me down with rage and duress
It's probably easy to find my address
and send me loads of gay porn.

That I'd sell on eBay
or give to my gay friend on his birthday.
Is that weird or out of line?
If I was gay I wouldn't mind.

Guys yelling at each other in all caps.
An interesting place to fap.
But, hey, everyone has their kicks.

A fish performing fellatio.
A man masturbating in the snow.
Where else but r/spacedicks?

If you've got a weak stomach,
prepare to be sick
in r/spacedicks.
Track Name: MediumPace
So I come at a medium pace. We ended up banging
heads together about your sister coming over to our place.
She might as well be your twin, and she'd always hint at committing a syn-
dictated movie night for the three of us.

So she finally came inside our home I let her in, and then I spread
my tools on the table.

So that we could hook up our new cable box and make sweet, sweet,
popcorn for the movie that we'd all watch.

One time she blew me
a kiss goodbye. I found it to be peculiar,
but I didn't bother to ask why.
But then you gave me heads-up that it was all a game.

This was all prior to the movie
before you finally made sure she came

And then we fooled around
for the rest of the night we made
sure we had fun with each other's personalities.
Track Name: Song for Brandon
You like to sing about how you'll never grow up and I hope it's true
because when you're this size it makes me realize just how much I love you
So baby keep singing loud and let your voice grow big and strong
because if one day I'm sad, and crying all alone I'll need you, to sing me this song.

Now baby, I know there are some things that you might not understand.
The world is not a perfect place, I'll explain it to you when I can.
I'll raise you, to love, be kind and treat people with respect
Compassion is truly precious even if it's the only thing you have left.

and baby, you are my cuddle bug, I'll snuggle with you all day
We'll hide under a rug and search for some dinosaurs now doesn't that sound great?
and Brandon, You are impervious to fear and dread it seems
and you're so smart I wouldn't be surprised if you already knew what impervious means.

Hey Brandon, you love to count so many numbers and other things too.
well, I bet you can't count all the of the many ways that I love you
It's a billion-jillion-katrillion and twenty two
and if you want to sit here and try to count that high, I'll sit right here with you.
Track Name: TheAtomicPlayboy
He can't drink for at least two months.
I can't help but think that when you're in college that must suck.
Because he's got mono and i wish it was Bono instead of him.

And he moderates the Yam subreddit.
He's a history major yeah you better not forget it,
No, he's not a thug, he's a proud banana slug at UCSC.

Atomicplayboy, I'm sorry you can't drink.
If it's any consolation, two months will pass by sooner than you think!

You've got a girlfriend. Or so you say.
We can't be too careful with such claims on Reddit these days.
You had better edit your post, with timestamped images displayed.

I hope you stayed in with her and her rabbits on St. Patricks Day.
Because Lulu and Zeppelin just want you to be okay.
I know they're just rabbits, but I'm sure they care about you anyway.
Track Name: riskeverything
I droned on and on for a spell of seven years,
I traveled across the ocean to conquer all my fears.
I used to stay inside and keep to myself
but all that would soon change.

I found myself in London overwhelmed by sights and sounds.
I couldn't get the attention of strangers, I could barely get around.
But when I found Big Ben,
I let out a sigh of relief.

I searched for a stranger on my journey without a guide
so he could point the camera at me to paint what's inside
my lonely chest,
but the stranger laid down to rest.

Left with few options, tourism must be dead.
So I looked for someone else to snap this picture of me instead;
and that's when I saw you, and I won't ever forget.

So I threw caution to the wayside, got lost in London's maze.
What little sense of direction I had, got squandered in your gaze.
Your laughter is infectious.
I could do this for the rest of days.

Our words lost in translation, because you don't speak English much,
but I knew just what you were saying, I could feel it in your touch.
And when you showed up the next day, I couldn't help but fall in love.

You gave off an air of perfection, it intoxicated me.
You filled up my subconscious with visions of what we could be.
So we traveled everywhere, but we had to return home eventually.

But, try as I might, I couldn't get you off of my mind.
My friends all said "Forget it, you're just wasting your time."
But what is time really, if I can't have you to spend it with?

To risk everything.
I would risk everything for you.

About a year later, I felt a lump on my side.
I was diagnosed with cancer, without surgery I would've died.
I vowed to myself that I'd make you my bride if I could find you.

So I put all my chips in a post card, with an address you scribbled out.
I've never wanted anything more without a shadow of a doubt.
And I dropped it in a mailbox, and I hoped that it would find you.

Well, miracles can happen, when fueled by the energies of love.
That silly postcard found you with the help of the stars above.
You said "Yes." and I've never been more happy to be alive.

Because I've seen valleys of sorrow, I've felt the cold shadow of death.
I went after what I wanted, when threatened with my last breath.
After this, nothing matters, I'll die a happy man.

Because I risked everything for you.
Track Name: The Dragon and the Goat Playing Chess
Sit down and enjoy and enjoy this ancient fable,
of the dragon and the goat playing chess.
And epic match across a gaming table
and if you think you know who wins, well, place your bets.

It starts with a goat up on a mountain,
making the long trek to the abyss.
The fiery dragon leaves his cave to meet him
and battle it out with his nemesis.

The dragon comes out guns blazin' and makes the opening move.
All passion and power while the goat silently broods.
He takes his time and calculates and ignores the dragon's mood.
and waits for him to conclude his full court press.

The goat responds with the Alapin Gambit,
a daring maneuver to say the least.
The dragon's temper erupts from the goat's wit,
intimidating the wise old beast.

But just like Magneto playing against Professor X.
Opposing sides and viewpoints with a mutual respect
It's not about who wins, it's how to handle the conflict.
Just like the dragon and the goat playing chess.

It represents the battle that rages inside of us.
From the time of our conception to the time we turn to dust.
It's the heart versus the head and it will never come to rest.
Just like the dragon and the goat playing chess.
Track Name: Have You Been Hurting?
The water is rising up to your neck.
Your heart an anchor and you're full of regret.
And I'm trying to save you
before you drown in what's left.

You wake up each morning blinded by the sun.
You hear newscasters talking because the TV is on
from the night before because you can't go to sleep without the voice of someone
to drown out your own.

And do you believe that something is wrong?
Have you been hurting for so long?
I can't wait anymore while your happiness disappears.

I want to make you happy so I wrote this song for you.
And if this doesn't work, a pizza or kittens should do;
because the world needs your smile, and you know that I do too.

I know school is painful, but it will all be worth it soon.
Your dad truly does mean well, even if you think he's a loon.
He just wants you to do well for yourself and you know that I do too.
Track Name: SEanXY
I've traveled across the Atlantic.
(Oh, the waters that I've waded through...)
But let's not be pedantic,
at least they brought me to you.

And I'd go as far as an ocean of stars
A candlelit dinner on the surface of the moon.
Because baby, it's me and you always.
You're my flower and I want to watch you bloom.

And If I'm going too slow, please let me know and I'll try
to speed things up but time does stop when I look in your eyes .

I'd fight monsters and I'd slay dragons
with a sword and shield just to be by your side.
Oh, fair maiden, I'll save you from the evil that plagues you
and we'll be happy for the rest of our lives

Let's run away to Tokyo or Paris.
Somewhere we can both change our names.
Forget the past and start a new life.
(You've always said you were looking for a change.)

And we could be so perfectly aligned.
So let's have some fun, and let our bodies intertwine.
So close your eyes, you know that you'll be fine.
Because you know I'm yours and you know you'll always be mine.
Track Name: IamAHamsterAMA
some people can't believe
that I'm not a human being
that across computer screens
lies two different species
for I am just a small,
cute, little furball
an intelligent rodent
a hamster on the net

most folks think that this is just a joke
a rouse, a gag designed to evoke
skeptics to say "there is just no way
that you could be a hamster, you must...

be a man pretending to be,
or maybe he's crazy"
well, let me assure you
that neither of those things are true
while my siblings are running on wheels
in their cages, and eating their meals
I am blogging and shooting the breeze
as I tapdance across the keys

typing, skyping, my thoughts out all day
over the web to communicate
ideas and spread them on Reddit posts
and inform you I'm a hamster, most...
people still think this is just a joke
a rouse, a gag designed to evoke
skeptics to say "there is just no way
that he could be someone's dumb little pet"
a hamster on the net